Disciplines of Welcoming - Part II
Cultivating Some Soul Care Practices
Last month’s post presented how I attempt to cultivate a life of welcoming that embraces curiosity, stillness, silence, mystery, hope, and remembering.
This month I’d like to share with you some of my favorite daily soul care practices that help me be more open to what God might have for me so that I can become more welcoming to what is present in my life.
Before I start, here is a brief excerpt from my book where I talk about soul care. I think it can give us some perspective on the importance of this sacred act of caring for our soul.
“Caring for our soul is like strengthening muscle. Our muscles strengthen when we make intentional, repeated, slow, careful movement in both directions—up and down. Before I enrolled in a fitness class for cancer patients, I thought that strengthening a muscle meant lifting bigger and heavier weights. But it’s actually in the slow, deliberate lengthening and release of the muscle.
The same is true of our souls. When we release what is unhelpful and bring in what is helpful, we strengthen our souls—our resilience. Through this act of release, we make room for good to grow in us. This builds inner strength.”
Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected, Buszowski, Fern. E.M., 2023, (pg. 135)
The biggest roadblocks that stop us from practicing lifegiving soul care are time, lack of awareness, or not truly valuing the grave importance of our soul. In my case it is all the above. In most cases avoidance happens when I face physical pain or emotionally difficult circumstances, or when I procrastinate spending quality quiet time with God – because of overwhelming situations, busyness, or distractions.
The outcome?
I feel fragmented and less connected to myself, less connected to God, and less connected to my community... and less whole.
Self-compassion and a Heart of Forgiveness
The nice thing about being human is that we are perfectly imperfect and can easily make poor decisions, get distracted, and ignore attending to our soul needs well.
Soul care is one thing that benefits us because it allows us to attend to ourselves body, soul (mind, emotions, decisions, will), and spirit. By cultivating regular practices of soul care, it can help us notice what thoughts, activities, or ways of being are moving us toward or away from God, ourselves, and others.
Direction is important.
We are designed for connection with God, ourselves, and others. If we are cultivating ways of disconnection our souls can and will suffer because we are moving in the wrong direction.
When we are hard on ourselves, we can easily get stuck which isn’t helpful especially if what we really want is to cultivate a life of openness and welcome. Maybe we can offer ourselves the same kind of grace-filled, loving-kindness type of forgiveness that God already offers us and offer a bit of self-compassion. Many life circumstances are really hard to deal with.
The important thing is to acknowledge the unhelpful behavior that results and make a shift to turn and move in the other direction. It’s okay to make mistakes – yet we are not a mistake. We are learners, figuring out how to live life well, because we all are a work in progress.
Soul care can help us cultivate the spiritual practice of being welcoming to this life we are living. Welcoming to ourselves. Welcoming to God. Welcoming to others. Welcoming to circumstances. Welcoming to the reality of what is. Welcoming is the art of being open to the reality of what is before us.
So, how can soul care facilitate this? It isn’t the same as self-care but is a way that we can attend to ourselves holistically body, soul, and spirit because that is how God made us and to gain new insight and perspectives that change our attitudes, expectations, and way of living so that we can feel more whole even when facing difficult circumstances.
In a knowledge society we tend to favor the mind side of us to create, think, and have ideas yet head knowledge ignores all the other parts of us. We have emotions. More and more our society is opening up to the idea of caring for our emotional side as something good. We have a body that needs to be sustained, strengthened, and rested. These are all good and necessary parts of us but there is one missing. The spirit. If we are body, soul, and spirit we need to attend to all parts of us – why is it we forget about our spirit. That’s my first question. Our spirit is the part of us that connects with God and with others. This is important. My second question is why do we separate them out as if they are distinct parts not affecting each other?
Body, Soul, Spirit. They are all important. All are interconnected and each one can affect the others – for better or worse.
Soul care practices can raise our awareness and identify needs in all three areas. As we respond and attend to those longings and needs in holistic ways it can help us feel less fragmented, more interconnected, whole, and more like the person God designed us to be.
“We are designed to heal. We are designed to be whole.”
I was reminded of this simple truth during a season of oral cancer and an autoimmune disease diagnosis. Let me share with you an excerpt where I write about it.
“We are designed to heal. We are designed to be whole.
God made us to be whole—that’s part of His story for us. This is the original plan for mankind: to heal and to be whole.
In moments when we’re hurting, suffering, or confused, I wonder whether the deep longings for wholeness might be God wooing us to Himself, inviting us into the healing journey that is His story for us.”
Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected, Buszowski, Fern E.M., 2023, (p. 36)
Regular Practice of Soul Care.
Having some regular time each day or week can help us cultivate a deep awareness of our longings and needs and then respond in helpful ways that bring healing and wholeness.
There are often seasons in our life where our health, responsibilities, or circumstances affect our schedules, abilities, and needs. Recognizing that these stages are a normal part of life, and sometimes temporary, we can maintain a flexible way of taking the needed time for soul care.
The danger comes when we ignore our needs and push through. By ignoring or minimizing our needs the result affects our whole being seeping into the quality of our relationships with God, ourselves, and others.
Just like we need the basics of food, water, and human connection, soul care is equally important because it tends to our body, feeds our soul, and nourishes our spirit to bring much hope, connection with God, ourselves, and others. It also can help us gain insight into the challenges we face. Soul care is a critical component in learning how to survive and thrive in our world today.
There is no one perfect schedule for soul care. Some people do various soul care activities throughout the day, others set aside dedicated time each day, week, and/or month and incorporate regular day retreats through the year to reflect, refocus, and reset.
My usual approach is to choose a dedicated time – that is flexible. Below I’ll list some of my favorite activities I choose to practice.
First, preparing for a dedicated time means being present, in a quiet space with no distractions. My writing/art room is where I go in the cold or wet months, and my garden or deck is where I go in the summer.
I come prepared with a tea or water, a pencil or pen and paper, my Bible and sometimes a favorite book that can inspire me. I set aside 1 hr. but can easily go over or take less time. Each time is different. It is a time that is designed for no distractions. I turn off the phone and when I had our children at home, I often stuck a “Do Not Disturb” sign on my door. Now I bring my dog into the room, so she doesn’t scratch at the door!
Then I begin with a practice to help me be present to and with God.
1. Welcome in being present with a breath prayer
This helps me release any residual busyness lingering on my heart and helps me refocus on God’s presence before I continue with my quiet time. I might:
a) take several slow cleansing breaths and use a 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise by naming out loud (5 things I see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I hear, 2 things I smell, and 1 thing I can taste)
b) focus on a short favorite scripture or set of words and repeat them in rhythm with my breathing:
a. Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me.
b. Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)
2. Remind myself who God is
I offer a short prayer asking God to be present, show and guide me in this time with Him and ending with a word of expectant thanks anticipating what I might learn during this dedicated time with Him.
A regular reminder about the attributes of God helps me remember who He is, how He shows up in our world, His purposes and ways, what He means to me, and how majestic He is.
I reflect on some of God’s attributes by:
a) Reading some passages to uncover some attributes of God. This isn’t what we think about Him but what He has revealed to us through the Scriptures. Example: Compassionate, Ever present, Counsellor, Mighty, All knowing, All powerful, etc.
b) Meditating on these attributes
c) Expressing gratitude and praise for His nature and character.
I take some time to consider the attributes that stand out the most along with my current needs and what is weighing most heavily on my heart and enter a time of surrendering my needs, concerns, and emotions to God while gratefully acknowledging how those attributes can help bring me new insight and peace.
This helps me remember the never-ending and majestic power of a loving God who wants to be with us through our good days and our trying days. It gives me a sense of hope that God is enough especially when I’m at my most vulnerable and especially when the circumstances may not change. Knowing I’m not alone in the issues is comforting.
3. Offer a prayer of surrender.
Surrender is a word that seems to imply powerlessness, but I see it more as a time to acknowledge that I need to be reminded of my human frailty, need for help, comfort, and guidance, because I can’t do life on my own.
a) It’s an acknowledgement of who I am and who God is. He’s God, I am not. It is also a time of acknowledgment and admission of what has been holding me back from my soul care practices and get curious about why.
b) It’s an acknowledgement of concerns or fear that I’m avoiding dealing with that are really acting as a wall between me and my time with God.
c) This prayer of surrender helps me articulate and let go of what I’m avoiding or trying to hang onto my plans and dreams through some kind of control and choose instead to trust God’s goodness and wisdom and comfort in the situation and in the future. It also helps me remember that if I’m not trusting God to ask what it is that I’m putting my trust in. Is it me? My circumstances? Someone else?
Also, taking time to meditate on a relevant Scripture, about surrender, helps me prepare to surrender and trust God in the journey.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
I’m a kinesthetic learner so I enjoy using some physical activity as part of my surrender prayer. These are my two go-to activities:
Use of Hands:
a) Starting with clenched fists, acknowledge what I’m holding onto so tightly. This may be expectations, fear, worries, future plans, having my way, etc. and the impact it has on me.
b) Acknowledging what I need to release and choosing to release them one by one by opening up my hands whether it be finger by finger or my whole hand symbolizing my choosing to release and surrender them all to God.
Journalling:
a) I write a letter to God and admit what I’ve been holding onto so tightly. This may be fear, worries, future plans, etc. and the impact it has on me.
b) Then I acknowledge that I need to release them by listing them out in bullet form, one by one, and write clearly that I’m choosing to release and surrender them to God.
c) I can then destroy the letter as a symbol of my releasing them to God.
4. Welcome God to examine my heart about this issue through silence and solitude
Sometimes life is busy, full, chaotic, and filled with struggle or suffering of some kind and it is difficult to know how to move through a situation. All the clutter, chaos, and struggle can create a lot of head and heart noise when what we need most is quiet and space to think, process, and be.
a) Tending to the heart:
Just learning to sit quietly in stillness and silence can trigger my busy mind to be filled with checklists, to dos, and sporadic thoughts. Instead of engaging with them, I let them roll in and out again. It’s not emptying my mind, but attentively listening instead for what comes up. It might be a conviction, an image, a scripture verse, or an impression that God brings to me.
b) Meditate on Scripture or Bible story that can relate to the topic/issue on your heart
I like to choose a passage of Scripture to read and meditate on. I read it slowly, and sometimes find a different version of the Bible to read the same passage. By allowing these words to sink deeply into my heart I might notice specific words that jump out or leave a heart impression.
c) Reflection questions.
What do I sense God is showing me, encouraging me to release, and inviting me to explore or consider?
What new insights are coming to mind?
d) Journal the experience.
For some reason I find journalling helps me. I take the time to record any Scripture, insights, or emotions that may come up and reflect and process what they mean. I have found that these times of reflection bring great insight that I can continue to learn from at different times of my life.
I turn on some instrumental music for my journalling time and date the journal entry because it is a wonderful record of my spiritual formation over time and how God meets me so faithfully in my times of need.
e) End with prayer
I try to end my time of prayer with thanks and gratitude for my time with God.
5. Practice carrying it forward
I can easily get distracted and once the journal and Bibles are closed, I can move on quickly. But I know that this isn’t the best for me, so I am cultivating new ways to remember and reflect on the rich Scripture or insights I receive during this sacred time so that it gets deep into my heart.
Here are some suggestions to keep the insights in the forefront of my heart:
· Post it in a place where it will be seen regularly through the day.
· Meditate on it throughout the day when walking, running, or going through a doorway, stick a reminder on the fridge or the computer, or set a watch or phone alarm as a gentle reminder.
· At the end of the day reflect on and consider how the insights impacted you and the day’s interactions with God and others.
There are many ways to spend time in quiet and solitude with God – there is no one perfect way. If you have some favorites, I invite you to share with readers some of your favorite things.
Earlier today I read a post by a Canadian writer friend, Sue Fulmore, and I’m going to share it with you today. She referenced a prayer by Thomas Keating in her July 1st, 2024, post entitled “Mercy and Laundry”. If you want to read more of Sue’s article I’ve put a link to it below.
“The Welcoming Prayer by Father Thomas Keating might be a great way to start the day and an ongoing practice of release and openness.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me today, because I know it's for my healing.
I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations, and conditions.
I let go of my desire for power and control.
I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval, and pleasure.
I let go of my desire for survival and security.
I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself.
I open to the love and presence of God and God's action within.
Amen.
So let’s be honest with where we are at, lament all that is not as it should be, and learn to welcome what comes in full surrender.
Here’s to a summer of anticipation of goodness and beauty and the presence of a good and beautiful God who walks with us through our days.”
Sue Fulmore, Capacity for Wings
There are many resources available for learning more, so if you are new to the practice of different types of soul care activities here are a few books that you may enjoy reading to get started and give you some perspective and ideas:
“Prayer – Finding the Heart’s True Home” – Richard Foster
“Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us” – Adele Ahlberg Calhoun
“Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected”- Fern Buszowski.
This last one is my book, and it is an inspirational memoir that describes how soul care activities helped me through a devastating walk with oral cancer cultivating wholeness and resilience along the way. It also has a specific appendix in it called Soul Care Practices.
May I encourage you to consider helpful ways to practice soul care and embrace a life of welcoming healing, wholeness, God, self, and others. What better time to start welcoming than during a new season of summer.
That’s what I plan on doing. I’ll not be posting again until September to work on my own soul care this summer, but may pop on and off with the a message or two from my reflections about what I’m learning!
May we all enjoy the fruit, beauty and growth before us in the season ahead as we practice releasing what we must and saying a new welcome to what is.
Fern
Love these tips! I always say writing isn't self-care, it's soul care!
This is a wonderful tutorial on soul care - I’m going to keep coming back to it for inspiration and practical steps. I admit I am very inconsistent in practice but the desire is there.