Is it just “Something Big” or a Traumatic Experience?

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When I was faced with a cancer diagnosis, an 8 hr-surgery, radiation treatment, and the common struggles through a long recovery I caught myself minimizing my experiences, focusing on the positives wanting to heal and move forward. I really didn’t want to spend much time rehashing things that I believed I had already dealt accepted and dealt with.

One day a friend said to me, “I never realized all the traumatic things that you had to undergo in your journey.”  Her words startled me. I had never used “traumatic” to describe my journey. I’d acknowledge “it was something BIG” but not traumatic.  With the word “traumatic” in mind I began conducting a bit of research, which is what I tend to do when a word niggles at me. After several weeks, I concluded that my cancer journey really was a traumatic experience  –  a cancer diagnosis, a fight with a life-threatening disease, and major surgery. Even any repeated scares or threats of cancer recurring can be classified as a traumatic experience – even today.

Now months later, I’ve decided to change my vocabulary to describe my experience as a traumatic event. They were traumatic experiences that caused me and my family much distress – for short and long periods of time. Gratefully, I did not experience Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from the experience. Some people do, but not all experience PTSD from their experience with a traumatic event. Each person’s experience is different, and it is a sacred journey we must honour and is something to which we must attend with loving compassion and care.

National Cancer Institute writes (see reference link below)

“Patients with cancer may have symptoms of post-traumatic stress at any point from diagnosis through treatment, after treatment is complete, or during recurrence. Adult survivors of childhood cancer and their families may also have post-traumatic stress.”

“Cancer-related PTS may or may not lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD is a specific group of symptoms that affect survivors of stressful events. These events usually involve the threat of death or serious injury to oneself or others. Cancer and its treatment may cause distress, but it does not mean it will develop into PTSD. Your healthcare team will evaluate your symptoms during your cancer journey.”

After some reflection I I finally admitted that I was downplaying my cancer journey so others wouldn’t feel sorry for me even though it felt like my cancer journey was much more than “something BIG”. For my husband, my wonderful caregiver, would also say that he experienced the journey as a traumatic time too (a type of vicarious trauma) from watching from the side lines and caring for me, not able to fix the problems I was facing.

I learned in a new way that when we label a life-changing event with words and definitions that accurately describe our experience we are better able to find ways to cope with it well and find the right kind of support to work our way through it – while we are in it.

This new choice of a word describing my personal experiences in the early stages of my cancer journey helped me find new ways to process my experiences, heal, and enhanced my ability to take care of myself. Because to me the word “traumatic” is different than “something BIG” because it describes a level of impact and distress more accurately and showed me that I probably required more support and ongoing care to work through it and come out the other side embracing life and embracing hope. It made me more open for help from others.

So to help us learn more about trauma, I’ve invited a friend and fellow writer from the UK to share in today’s guest blog – Katy Parker is a trauma-informed well-being writer who integrates mental health and faith into her words. She is a mental health advocate and mentor from England (UK)

I hope you’ll find it helpful. We’d love some comments so be sure to post and welcome Katy. You’ll want check out her website and some of the great free resources that she offers! All the links are at the end of this blog post.

Reference:

National Cancer Institute: https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/coping/survivorship/new-normal/ptsd-pdq#_1)

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Could trauma be holding us back from achieving our potential?

I remember how overwhelming it felt returning to work after my accident. I love my job, being there for others and helping the vulnerable is just something I have always done. So, no wonder that this was something I also decided for to do in my professional life. However, despite how much I enjoyed my job, my return to work 10 months after my accident did not go how I imagined.

From the beginning my body was sending me signals which I decided to ignore, until one day the pain was so strong that I couldn’t walk, sit, or even barely stand. A few days later I was back in hospital.

My accident has certainly left its mark on me, both in terms of my physical health and my mental wellbeing. It took place as I was crossing a road on my way home from work, I had almost made it safely to the pavement on the other side of the road when a van struck me. A week after the accident, and whist still in hospital, I started to experience flashbacks and a couple of months later I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I experienced many symptoms associated with PTSD, one of the more prevalent was anxiety. And it was anxiety that led to me losing confidence in myself. After all, I was confident that it was safe to cross the road and yet the accident happened and changed my life in a split second. It has taken a long time for me to build my confidence back up to the point it is at now.

Perhaps you have also been through a traumatic experience which has sucked away your energy and confidence. Has it left you feeling stuck, anxious, and overwhelmed? Is your trauma preventing you from reaching your potential?

Trauma took away my independence, confidence, and self-esteem but there is a way to transform our wounds into resilience and strength.

You might doubt whether you will ever heal, but if you don’t ever set off on the journey, you will never know what you could achieve by removing the handcuffs of trauma.

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Growth after trauma: 5 steps to achieving your full potential

So, how do we restore our confidence and self-esteem, enabling us to reach our full potential, after it has been shattered by trauma?

1.     Lean not on to yourself – when I experienced my first flashback after my accident, I felt like I was going crazy. I just could not understand what was going on with me. I started to believe I couldn’t do anything without causing danger to myself and others. But whilst I might have been struggling to do things by myself, everything is possible for God. I have always trusted God, but after my traumatic accident I had too much trauma in me. Trauma rewires our brain, meaning we can’t think clearly any longer. But by taking the steps towards healing and taking pressure away from finding answers to all my ‘why’ questions, I was surrendering to God. And by doing so and trusting God fully, my self-belief started to grow. I believed that if I put my trust in God and did my part, and allowed God to do His part, then even the impossible can turn into achievable. And this was the comfort I needed to move away from trauma and towards God’s plan.

2.     Acknowledge your feelings and accept yourself – before we can deal with something, we need to first acknowledge it. You might experience a mix of feelings; you might not understand why you feel the way you feel. Don’t lean on your own understanding as you might not always understand your feelings at that moment, and that’s ok. Don’t judge your feelings. This won’t help you to restore your confidence or self-esteem. On the contrary, it may well undermine it further. And we need to remember that confidence isn’t about perfection, rather accepting ourselves as we are, warts and all. Remember, what has happened to us wasn’t our fault. However, it is our responsibility to work on our healing. 

3.     Set yourself realistic goals – the irony is that by being patient with ourselves, we can reach our potential quicker than by setting goals that are impossible. By setting ourselves unrealistic goals we are more likely to fail, and consequently, we are less likely to continue to pursue our healing journey. We therefore need to create plans that start out with small baby steps. This will allow us to get used to succeeding again, and if you get overwhelmed on your way it is only a small step back to reset yourself before you go again.   

4.     Self-compassion – celebrating the small wins and being proud of where you have arrived, as opposed to putting yourself down, will help you to restore your self-esteem. Punishing ourselves is unhelpful and doesn’t change anything.  We need to ask ourselves what blaming ourselves achieves. Changing beliefs which are deeply rooted inside us will help shift our thinking from negative to realistic, or positive. Becoming our own best friend and talking to ourselves as we would to a friend, will help to restore our self-esteem. Accepting ourselves for who we are, who God made us, is always one of the first steps to healing.

5.     Reach out for help – it is ok to ask for help. It is not a sign of weakness, actually the opposite. Opening up and being honest about ourselves is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do. And we do not have to deal with our problems alone. There are always people who can help us. Although not everyone may have the capacity or ability to be there for us, the only way to find out is to ask and see. And then you can choose the right people to support you, those that are able to help pick you up if you stumble on your way. After all, you would do the same for them! And if needed, get professional help. There is no shame in reaching out for help, if you had a physical injury, you would not refuse professional help! 

We often put unrealistic expectations on ourselves and then get frustrated when we cannot live up to them. Therefore, creating a plan with realistic goals, which focuses on the things we can control, will help us to progress towards achieving our full potential. Events in life may not always make sense to us and we might experience setbacks on our way, but accepting this and leaning on God will place us in the hands of safety. By relying on God, rather than our own limited understanding of life, we can avoid being anxious about every decision we have to make and becoming overwhelmed. In turn, our comfort zone will be expanded, and we will thrive despite the trauma we experienced. Trauma doesn’t have to be a life-sentence – healing and restoring our life after trauma is possible. And the above tips can help you to free yourself from the hands of trauma and unleash your full potential. 

Guest Blog Bio:

Katy Parker is a trauma-informed well-being writer who integrates mental health and faith into her words. She is a mental health advocate and mentor who was born in Slovakia, but lives in England (UK) and shares her journey of healing and hope on her blog. Katy believes that God left her in this world for a reason, and during her recovery, she created the PTSD: My Story Project,  a safe space for trauma survivors to share their stories and let others know they aren't alone.

Her goal is to encourage and empower trauma survivors and support them on their healing journey. Katy believes that healing shouldn’t be a luxury and that everyone deserves a chance to heal. That’s why she created a free e-book, 7 Keys To Self-Healing, A Trauma Survivor’s Guide.

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