Seasons of Suffering

Reflections...from a fellow sojourner in a season of suffering.

Have you ever noticed that...

• Some days are just too much to handle. It’s those kinds of days where you wish you didn’t have just tough it out?

• We want to hang on tightly to our comfortable daily lives as though we believe we have control over them and expend all sorts of energy managing life so our normal can stay normal – especially when facing a season of suffering.

• We are willing to put on a good front by faking and pretending to be strong rather than be open, honest, and vulnerable about our current life challenges.

• When our vulnerable emotions respond to our circumstances and bring sadness, anger, frustration, or discouragement we often distract, avoid, or hide it from others and maybe even ourselves?

All because everyone (and maybe even we) might think we are weak or imperfect, or worse yet “not good enough” anymore because we are in a season of suffering. Because we secretly wonder to ourselves...

• What would people say?

• What would people think?

• They’ll jump to the conclusion that I’m...

• Would they still want me as a friend if they knew how weak I really felt?

• Will I be rejected if I ask for help?

• I don’t want anyone to see me like this.

• I should be able to...

It’s as though the answers we’d expect to get are filled with shame and our automatic responses are our human attempt to avoid having a slimy, dark blanket of shame thrown over us from others who might minimize or downplay our suffering. All because they can’t put themselves in our shoes to imagine what our suffering is like.

Yet, suffering is a universal experience. No one escapes it. We all suffer at one time or another in life. For some it is chronic, for others it may be dynamic showing up at unexpected times making us feel like it has a mind of its own leaving us overwhelmed, emotional, and exhausted.

If so many of us suffer, why is it that we all feel unseen, unheard, and alone in a season of suffering leaving us to deal with pain secretly or worse yet deny our own emotions because they seem so “big”?

I think it is because we believe we’ll be rejected in some way because of our experience or think the suffering is turning us into something weak or “less-than” and falsely believe everyone else is stronger or has it all together. Or we may believe that people will judge us and give us an unwanted label.

When we get labelled as a cancer victim, or sick, or some other label that describes our situation, then all the labeler seems to be able to see is the label instead of the real us, because we are more than our illness, condition, or circumstances. When others label us it can be a very shaming experience.

So what do we do as a result? We keep hiding. Keep faking it. We keep pretending we are stronger than we really are.

It's a vicious cycle that begins with believing a lie.

The result? We withdraw, remain silent, and struggle through instead of moving toward people and asking for and receiving compassion, support, or help when it’s needed.

If we do this with people, I wonder, do we also do it with God – move away when what we need to do is move closer?

When we move away from God or people, it makes us feel like no one sees our true journey of suffering that we are on leading us to believe that they may not even care about us or our value.

Consequently, we remain unseen, unheard, and unsupported because we are believing a lie.

It’s a slippery slope that can easily happen to us all, however, we may miss seeing it because we are so overwhelmed with information, shock, change, emotions, and managing circumstances and relationships.

Yet when we take the brave act of moving toward God and others we create the opportunity to be seen, heard, and supported and as our circumstances settle down creating a new kind of rhythm and change it somehow becomes a little more manageable and hope finds its way into our hearts more clearly as we look back and realize that a new normal is happening right before our eyes.

I can only speak about the impact of suffering has had on my own life as I faced health issues like oral cancer and now a daily chronic autoimmune illness that regularly brings me unwanted excruciatingly painful inflammatory flares leaving me exhausted and bedridden sometimes for up to days at a time.

What I hadn’t realized about seasons of suffering is that so much of me would change and so much of what I focused on and appreciate in life would change too. Surprisingly, it continues to change with a chronic disease that brings that dynamically shows up out of the blue taking me by surprise each time.

Although it is challenging, the change that bring new life focus, and is evolving in me, has much good and blessing in it.

Change, Hope, and Transformation

Change starts once we become aware of a need for change and find ways to accept our new life reality – challenging as that may be. As we find ways to accept it, or embrace it as I like to say, we are freer to step into a process of cultivating a new kind of normal. It may encompass some of what existed before, but it may also bring considerable newness into our lives.  

Newness and goodness. Loss and sadness too. They co-exist in a journey of suffering.

New perspectives. New relationships. New insight. New gratitude. New experiences. Loss, change, sadness, pain, and unwanted experiences. All mixed up together.

During this time, I’ve learned that the relationship we had before with our lives and our own selves needs to be reconstructed and reshaped because it requires that we develop a new kind of relationship with ourselves and our life.

Who I was before cancer and who I was before I came face to face with my autoimmune disease is different. I was different me than the me of who I am today.

Now I am a little more accepting, curious, and patient. Someone that can become open to new opportunities and new growth but also someone who can easily get triggered and upset when things shift and bring immense pain unexpectedly – because I am only human. Then as I remember, breathe, settle in, and refocus on the goodness of God and what I’m learning through suffering, I become accepting curious, and more patient. Yes, a little sad too. It is a journey. Within this journey there is suffering yet there is peace and joy when I refocus and look for hope along the way.

The caveat is that we must not let the pain and illnesses we face define who we are. They are an experience we are going through. Our identity is not defined by our circumstance nor our conditions. Those are unwanted labels that hide our true identity. They are more of a description of our experience, however, we must remember that we are much more than our experiences.

Even though life experiences have a way of changing and forming us they are not the true essence of who we are. God defines who we are because He created mankind in his image and that is very good. We are of great value because of who God is and because we are made in God’s image.

What I Need to Remember

We can’t always change our experiences but we do have a great deal of control over the kind of choices we make about the perspective we take on and how we’ll let any changes influence how we are being formed.

The healing in a journey of suffering requires that we look back and look forward. Looking back allows us to deal with the losses and the grief. Looking forward helps us step into a new kind of future that bring us hope and wholeness.

I am choosing to let my journey of suffering form me with hope while also grieving the losses.

Yes it’s hard.

Yes it hurts.

Yes I still face challenges.

Yes there’s loss, lament, and grieving required.

But there is also hope.

Hope in extending myself compassion for the journey.

Hope in recognizing and attending to my needs as I experience difficult days.

Hope in looking for the goodness all around me.

Hope in reaching out to God, family, friends, and my medical team(s) for support.

Hope in being seen and heard by others when I take a brave step of being open and vulnerable.

Hope in giving a word of compassionate encouragement to another facing a season of suffering.

Hope through my faith knowing that God is with me in the journey and is a great source of my strength.

Hope in knowing that God is good and He wants good for me as well.

Hope in being grateful for the little things: like a cup of tea, a beautiful song, a gentle word, an act of kindness from another, an encouraging note, a touch, warm sunshine of my face during an afternoon walk, the rustle of the leaves in the breeze. There are so many of these moments that we are often too busy to notice.

There is goodness all around me. I just have to look up and look around to see it.

I hope that in doing so it will bring me the gifts of wisdom, insight, and gratitude for the things I often take for granted. I hope it will continue to soften my heart in ways that transform my character to become sweeter, more loving, and open to others even as my condition deteriorates over time. 

I hope it will transform the me today more into the person that God originally designed me to be. I hope that it helps me release the baggage which makes my heart hard, or stubborn, bitter, or ornery. and instead open my hands and welcome my humanity, my emotions, my need for love, comfort, and encouragement especially on the most difficult of days.

What we need to have is an enduring kind of hope that is able to bring us a place of beautiful transformation through a difficult journey of suffering.

There’s meaning in that.

There’s even some purpose in that too as we learn to give it back to God and use it for His glory and to help others in their journey of suffering.

As we cooperatively work with God in transforming our minds and hearts along the journey of suffering, (while also lamenting and grieving our way through it – because we must acknowledge the difficulty in these journeys and attend to our needs), and get curious about what holds us back or keeps us stuck, a bit of a miracle happens – our character begins to change and we transform into more of who we were designed to be.

It’s a kind of transformation where the real me is more present. There is freedom in that. And also the transformation brings more of the fruit of the spirit into our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)

So Where are you on This Journey?

Maybe you know you need help, or believe that you can’t handle things, or maybe don’t know where to turn for support or maybe you:

• are the one who is struggling with relationship problems.

• are facing a chronic health issue.

• have taken on unwanted life responsibilities that leave you feeling stretched too thin.

• have received an unwanted cancer diagnosis for yourself or a loved-one.

• feel stuck in the middle of caring for your kids while caring for your parents.

• feel stressed by a difficult co-worker or employer that you have to face daily.

• are grieving losses in your work, finances, homes, or even loved-ones.

• are experiencing unwanted changes in your life that bring frustration, betrayal, and losses.

• feel stuck and want to figure out how to face all these unwanted life experiences in a way that can help you be more resilient and thrive through them.

• aren’t sure how to describe where you are.

Know that you aren’t alone on this journey and there are ways to find help by reaching out and finding new ways to move through the journey through groups, medical support, caring friends, etc.

So What’s the Solution?

Is there really a “best way” of approaching these unexpected, and often unwanted periods of our life that we can’t change or fix?

Is there a way of living that allows us to embrace the challenging realities of life while also embracing the ones we want to celebrate?

I don’t have a quick answer, but I think it requires a willingness on our part to reach out for help and to learn a way of processing through our experiences in a way that allows us to hold our pain with a loving kindness, compassion, and patience for ourselves acknowledging that life is a journey and the story we are currently in is not finished being written.

It’s a way that requires that we reflect on our circumstances with curiosity, while embracing mystery. It requires that we be open to look around us and find some meaning in what we are living through. It’s a way that is cultivates living open hands, open hearts, curiosity and anticipation for the good to come. It requires that sometimes we need to ask for help, especially when we feel alone.

When we embrace life, in all its fullness, challenges, goodness, and pain, by learning new ways to process and cope with it, we become more human welcoming all the parts of us that often remain hidden. Through it we can come to experience life in a fuller way – one that encompasses the difficult journey of accepting that life includes suffering for all of us, and despite the pain and challenges it brings with it, it also has the potential to bring growth and hope.

It’s in the moments of challenge where we need to be compassionate and tender with ourselves in a healing journey, welcoming needs and responding to emotions and broken hearts and doing the hard work of accepting the reality of the “what is” through the tear-filled, gut-retching prayers of lament. We must also be able to recognize and welcome the good moments, good days, good seasons interspersed with the hard ones and remind ourselves that the good and the difficult can coexist - side by side bringing us hope along a difficult journey.

The last thing I’ll leave you with is that it requires trust. Trust in the goodness of God even when our circumstances say otherwise. This following quote is something that I learned through my cancer journey and recovery.

“Being confident in God’s love and resting securely in it affects how we see ourselves, how we see God, and how we see others. It even influences how we see and experience our circumstances, providing a helpful foundation from which we can make some sense or meaning from our experiences”. (Buszowski, Fern E.M., Embrace Life, Embrace Hope, Word Alive Press, 2023 (pg 28)

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Be sure to leave a comment and if you don’t know what to say …let me know it was something you needed to hear today with a “heart”.

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Help me Celebrate!

I get to celebrate two important milestones with my journey with cancer. The first is the 4^th year anniversary of my oral cancer surgery (September 19^th) and the second is still coming on January 7^th, 2025. This is the date I finished treatment and rang the Hope Bell at my local cancer centre. January is the official cancer survivorship date this is followed by my surgeons. But I like to celebrate both milestones!

My journey with cancer has brought me many blessings and experiences I never dreamed I’d have. Don’t get me wrong. It has been enormously difficult and on some days it is still challenging because of the disfigurement and swelling from the surgery and long-term side effects from radiation treatment.

By now you must be wondering... yikes, where are the blessings in that?

In the time since I was diagnosed with cancer, I’ve met some amazing new people and made new friends, written and published a book, and painted and sold 4 limited-edition high-quality watercolor art prints to raise funds for cancer research, trained and spoken to many groups, podcasts and even was interview on a ½ hour TV show in Canada, and networked and partnered with many authors, organizations, and groups. I have met many amazing people.

So far, $6,000.00 has been raised and donated to cancer research that supports dedicated doctors who are doing research through the Cumming School of Medicine that is associated with the newly opened Arthur J.E. Child Comprehensive Cancer Centre located in Calgary, AB.

My goal is to raise $10,000.00 for research and ideally I’d like to do that before the 5^th anniversary is reached – January 2026.

5 Easy Ways to Participate

I’m spreading the word about this, so if you’d like to participate in the worthy cause of supporting cancer research there are several ways you can prayerfully consider how to participate:

1. Purchase a copy of my book “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected” for yourself or to give a friend. Signed copies are available locally. Just email me at info@hopeblooming.ca

2. Spread the word about the book to your doctors, library, neighbors, friends, local or church bookstores, and churches. Let them know how reading it affected you.

3. Write a review and post it on Amazon.ca, at the publisher’s site WordAlive Press, or with Focus on the Family.

4. Follow, Like, Comment, Share, or Forward social media posts to friends, from Instagram or Facebook or through my blog on Substack (free)

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hope.blooming/

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AtHopeBlooming

• Blog:

5. Get a copy of a watercolor print and give it to a friend. Donations are $125.00 and if you are in Canada you are eligible to receive a charity receipt for a large portion of this amount. The value of the print is called and “advantage” – so this is deducted from the donation (CRA rules). Contact me at info@hopeblooming.ca for more information.

What’s the Book About?

“Embrace Life, Embrace Hope” is an inspirational read about how I found hope in the difficult place of dealing with stage III oral cancer during the pandemic. Readers learn about the common emotions and challenges that can come up with dealing with a journey of disease and the different ways that helped me get through the challenging days. I include struggles as well as the perspectives and practices that I found most helpful to care for myself and my soul through such an unexpected journey.

Suffering can be found through many kinds of life challenges: illnesses, relational, retirement, loss of a loved one, life transitions, disabilities, caring for others, or other significant life challenges.

We all go through periods of suffering and crisis. And if it isn’t us it may be somone we love who is suffering.

Finalist in Christian Living & Spiritual Formation Category

The Canadian Word Guild of Canada chose Embrace Life, Embrace Hope as one of 3 finalists to be considered for the category of Christian Living and Spiritual Formation.

Scan the QR code or visit here to read some of the endorsements and testimonials for the book.

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