When the Unexpected Arrives
(cont'd Part 2)
Living From our Values
Most of us spend a lot of energy avoiding painful experiences but, when big things happen, if we can face them with a good understanding of our values and hope-filled optimism – it helps!
It doesn’t make the tough stuff go away, but it can help bring new insights.
So let me start by defining “values” and “hope-filled optimism”. I’ll give you a sneak peek at something I wrote in my book: Embrace Life Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness, Resilience, and Margin Through the Unexpected.
Values: “Values are the things we believe are of greatest importance in how we live our lives. They typically focus on the present moment and can serve as a standard from which we make choices and use resources.” (Buszowski, Fern E.M., Embrace Life Embrace Hope, 2023, pg. 44)
When we live life from our values, we are can learn more about what motivates us and realize that we are being presented with an opportunity to cultivate a hope-filled kind of optimism. We can do this through using words that embody our values.
For example, if my values include words such as: gentleness, cooperation, fair, helpful, and thoughtful, I can ask myself how are these values being mirrored back to me in my words to myself and the thoughts that I have?
Where am I being gentle with myself? Or not so gentle?
Where am I being cooperative with myself? Or uncooperative?
Where am I being helpful? Or unhelpful?
Am I taking consideration for my own needs in thoughtful ways so I can attend to them?
Hope-filled Optimism
One of the benefits of becoming aware of how we are living from our values means that we don’t have to “fix” our circumstances and don’t have to have it all together yet at the same time remain open to find new ways to embrace a type of optimism that is hope-filled...
We can be authentically “me” in the present moment, influenced by the past, yet look forward with hope to a new kind of tomorrow.
Granted some days may bring unwanted experiences and they may be very difficult one to experience. However, when we look at challenging circumstances through a hope-filled lens we can uncover ways to see and experience the journey as part of the healing process rather than just a good or bad, or as a wanted or unwanted experience – without minimizing or dismissing them.
Each step has the potential to take us into greater stages of healing and bring deeper levels of hope along the way. Don’t we all want that in those difficult seasons? I know I sure do!
And when we can release ourselves from evaluating life experiences as only good or bad based on our circumstances, then we can see ourselves and God with new eyes and find new ways of embracing a new normal – even when it is challenging – even with all our newly acquired limitations. Knowing and understanding how our values affect our mindset can help us take steps forward in the healing journey integrating the experience into the new version of ourselves that those changes are making in us.
They can help us begin to cultivate the resilient skill of hope-filled optimism.
Hope-filled optimism: Hope-filled optimism is “a type of optimism that acknowledges a person’s difficult emotions and the challenges brought on by a crisis. But that isn’t all. It’s also hopeful in its ability to see opportunities amidst those challenges, allowing the difficult experiences to change us. Hope-filled optimism helps us see the reality of a difficult situation, cope in helpful ways, gain new insight, and make meaning from the experience. It’s about believing unrelentingly that our crises will be redeemed and that the future holds hope, both here on earth and in heaven.” (Buszowski, Fern E.M., Embrace Life Embrace Hope, 2023, pg. 46)
Taking time to Reflect
More and more I am asking myself – How are my values are being mirrored back to me that bring hope-filled optimism in my thoughts, words, and actions without discounting or minimizing any challenges, emotions, feelings, or situations that arise?
In what way do my thoughts acknowledge the difficulty of the journey?
Are my thoughts and reactions defining the difficulty as good or bad only? Is there another way to look at this?
When I draw upon my values, am I able to see any opportunities as I face these challenges? How might I finish this sentence….
My journey is difficult, even so, I can see an opportunity for me to grow by... choosing... thinking … embracing... breathing... resting...
And on those days when I can’t, I can reach out for help I’ll …
In what way do my words acknowledge the difficulty of the journey or am I hiding my words, so my suffering remains unseen to others?
When I draw upon my values and listen to my words, what contradictions am I hearing? Are the words I use bringing me closer to seeing any opportunities during what I’m facing or further away?
In what way do my actions acknowledge the difficulty of the journey or am I hiding them from others?
When I draw upon my values and evaluate my actions, am I seeing myself live from my values more and more. And on those days when I can’t see them, I can reach out for help from God, family, or my support system (my inner circle people).
Living from my values with a type of hope-filled optimism even during difficult days, allows me to give myself permission to be me. The me that is authentic and self-compassionate while validating the difficulty of my journey and reaching out for help when it’s needed whether that be through a friend, family member, or a professional.
So... let me ask...how do your values influence how you process through those challenging unwanted days?